Why do Brown Couples Fear (Public) Intimacy?

As someone who lived his whole life in a messed-up city of 30 million or more, I was oblivious to these small acts which make up life. For example, hanging out with a loved one or, let's say, just going out, walking randomly on the beach. The fact is that, as South Asians, we think a lot before expressing ourselves. I can say that for men, but not sure about women, as they might have to 10x more than use considering you are in a busy Karachi street or outside a bakery in Mumbai.

When it comes to intimate relationships, I never actually gave it a thought until I landed in the Netherlands for school. Since then, I've had time to recalibrate and rethink. Naturally, when your day is not full of folks obsessed with honks, paan, gutka, rikshaw, shahi supari, and overpriced e-street breakfasts. You can undoubtedly tread a new line and think.

I did the same, but sadly as a brown Punjabi man, my conclusion differed. From diaspora desis to students, I felt that we, as brown men and women (regardless of the sexual orientation) in the west, are somewhere in the middle. Of course, we handle intimacy differently because we look different, but then again.

Why though?

Are we too insecure about our bodies? Or we've been conditioned to act a certain way for growing up in countries like India, Pakistan, and Bangladesh maybe, because we have this innate fear of being judged by the guy selling Samosas on the street, the grandmother doing groceries, or the bus conductor staring at us. But what about the wild wild west, where supposedly everyone is free to do whatsoever. Why do we fear intimacy in the US, Canada, or Europe? Maybe because there is always a possibility of bumping into another brown person? If we do the math, there might be a ten percent chance of bumping into a brown person at a Starbucks in Seattle or a doner kebab shop in Amsterdam.

As unfortunate as that sounds, is there something about intimacy that bothers us? Does it make brown men weaker or brown women more vulnerable?

I don't have the answer to that, but maybe you do!